Wednesday, December 19, 2012

For @atlloki: Switching it up

In my trolling for blog topics, @atlloki asked me "As a switch could you/would you sub in front of or to someone you've topped?"

My short answer is that I don't switch with individuals: Whether I top or bottom, I generally fall into a role with that man.  When I submit, I tend to stay in that role with him, or at least want to.  When I top, I enjoy that experience and fear that if I try subbing to him, I won't want to return to topping him.

It's more than fear, it's also a comfort level.  Defined roles mean knowing where you stand with someone and knowing what's expected of you.  Call me conservative, but predictability, while it might not be sexy, is certainly comfortable.

Other considerations that may affect switching with and around others - ongoing relationship like I have with my partner, negotiations about what will be going on (I have experience the type of scenes I dish out as a top, but I don't enjoy them myself).  My husband and I don't have a power exchange relationship at all.  We made a conscious decision to remain complete equals.  As such, my machismo gets in the way when I bottom when he's around but not directly involved.  I obsess about what he's thinking of the things I enjoy doing with others, worried that he'd get jealous of what someone else is doing with me, (or more likely that he'd be jealous that it's not being done to him).

The answer to the question really depends on the men in question.  I'm just an emotionally delicate man, I guess.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

For @johnnygear: Tops do make mistakes

In my trolling for blog topics, @johnnygear asked (by way of @atllokie) "How do you deal with pain the dom didn't intend?"  (ex: loss of circulation, strap pushing in wrong spot..)

This is something that I'm not actually very good at.  I'm a huge advocate of communication, I like safe-words where the words mean what they say (ie, no means no, stop means stop).  However, when it comes to letting a top know I'm having trouble, I'm really bad.

It's a bit passive or maybe even passive aggressive, but I'll start with shifting around.  It's a combination of trying to adjust myself so that maybe I can cope with or correct whatever is not working right and letting the top know there's something wrong.  I've bottomed for such an array of people, I never know if a given discomfort is intended or accidental.  However, I'll have difficulty actually saying that there's something wrong;  I'll hope that he'll see my shuffling and twitching and either ask or realize the problem and fix it.

Unfortunately, I really have trouble saying I'm having a problem.  I feel bad when I have to tell a top that something's wrong.  It's like I've somehow failed him.  It's worse when there's an audience in the room.  I don't want the top to lose face by having a scene appear go bad and I don't want to seem like a whiny or pushy bottom.  There's also the bit of machismo that I'm not gonna quit, not going to let a little problem ruin a scene (even for very large values of "little").

So kids, do as I say, and not as I do.  Talk to your top and tell him what's bothering you.  It's part of the learning process for you as bottom, him as a top, and you as a pair of playmates.  If he intends you to deal with it, he can tell you, or just gag you.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

For @skylos: Do it with the things on the Discovery Channel

On twitter a couple of weeks ago, I asked for suggestions for blog topics.  In response, @Skylos asked "ever done a blog about thoughts about bestiality"?  I don't think I ever have.

For clarity, bestiality is is the practice of sexual activity between humans and non-human animals (ie, dogs, cats, sheep, rhinoceros).

When someone asks me what I'm into, I start by saying what I'm not into.  "No women, children, real animals, scat.  Nothing that involves a doctor, hospital, mortuary visit after the scene is done".  The "real" qualification is because I am, and hang out with, a lot of furries - people who hang out in anthropomorphic costumes (that's the short-short-short description).

So if I like furries, why not real animals?  Humans use animals as pets, as transportation, as food, for therapy.  What is the real reason I'm squicked by it?  How does using an animal for sex differ?

Straw-man arguments

  • A vegan could argue that using an animal for sex would be like using it for food.  I'm not vegan.
  • An animal cannot given consent and so using one for sex would be rape.  Then they also can't consent to being killed and eaten, and they sure are tasty at the churrascaria.
  • It's against the "word of god".  Clearly, Leviticus 20:15-16 cover this, saying "don't screw the sheep!".  Yeah, but Levitcus 20:13 says "don't be gay", and I clearly like the cock.
  • The Goldilocks dilemma: too big or too small.  Yeah, but some really are the right size.

Okay, it's easy to come up with arguments to knock down.  So what's the real reason?

Health is the big one.  There are enough known viruses, bacteria, parasites that can travel from human to animal, and back again, that this is an unreasonable risk.  The potential unknown contagions to be transmitted are too large of a risk.  An animal cannot be expected to tell you it's health history, can't tell you what it's been exposed to.  No animal can put on a condom and even if you put it on the beast yourself, you can't expect it to stay on.

So health is the main reason.  It's the reason that bestiality is a non-negotiable limit.

Why else, though?  There's no intelligence.  I need to know that the entity I'm engaging is a self-aware, reasoning thing (with a cock attached).  So even if we could 100% eliminate the health concerns (and we can't), I wouldn't be interested.  Hell, even if I'm playing with an anonymous other, there's still an intelligence there; a head-game of some sort is going on.

Sex for me is more than just a physical act.  It's a mental and emotion exchange as well as a physical one.  If it's just the physical, I could use my hand for that.  (If I weren't on a masturbatory moratorium, that is.)

Now if you could eliminate the health concerns and provide the intelligence requirement, I'd be happy.  Say you could provide me a 6'5" anthropomorphic rhinoceros in bleachers, boots, bondage mitts, chained to a wall?  I might find a way to enjoy that. :)