Wednesday, December 12, 2012

For @johnnygear: Tops do make mistakes

In my trolling for blog topics, @johnnygear asked (by way of @atllokie) "How do you deal with pain the dom didn't intend?"  (ex: loss of circulation, strap pushing in wrong spot..)

This is something that I'm not actually very good at.  I'm a huge advocate of communication, I like safe-words where the words mean what they say (ie, no means no, stop means stop).  However, when it comes to letting a top know I'm having trouble, I'm really bad.

It's a bit passive or maybe even passive aggressive, but I'll start with shifting around.  It's a combination of trying to adjust myself so that maybe I can cope with or correct whatever is not working right and letting the top know there's something wrong.  I've bottomed for such an array of people, I never know if a given discomfort is intended or accidental.  However, I'll have difficulty actually saying that there's something wrong;  I'll hope that he'll see my shuffling and twitching and either ask or realize the problem and fix it.

Unfortunately, I really have trouble saying I'm having a problem.  I feel bad when I have to tell a top that something's wrong.  It's like I've somehow failed him.  It's worse when there's an audience in the room.  I don't want the top to lose face by having a scene appear go bad and I don't want to seem like a whiny or pushy bottom.  There's also the bit of machismo that I'm not gonna quit, not going to let a little problem ruin a scene (even for very large values of "little").

So kids, do as I say, and not as I do.  Talk to your top and tell him what's bothering you.  It's part of the learning process for you as bottom, him as a top, and you as a pair of playmates.  If he intends you to deal with it, he can tell you, or just gag you.

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